Off-Topic: Vows

Two years ago, on May 19, 2012, I married my husband, John. These were my vows:


I don’t know what I can say to you that I’ve not already said.

In front of family, friends, neighbors, and community, I can say this:

Today is not a beginning – We began many years ago.

Today is not an ending – There is much more for us to explore together.

I am grateful, that having moved apart, our separate journeys prepared us to come together again, and see each other with new eyes.

I love you, more than I could have imagined I would ever love anyone.

Today is a milestone on the path.

I want always to travel that path with you.

“We began many years ago”
John and I first met nearly 30 years ago at one of the then-many, now long-gone, gay bars in the East Village.
“having moved apart”
Somewhere explained in an earlier blog post. I moved from the East Village to Brooklyn
“our separate journeys”
Both John and I have spoken publicly about being in recovery. Speaking for myself, I needed a lot of work.

We’ve been “together” for 17 years or so. (John keeps track of these things.) We’ve been living together for 14 years. A few years ago, as the possibility of legal marriage in New York state seemed increasingly likely, I “pre-proposed” to John. I told him that, if and when it became legal in our home state, I would propose to him. He initially objected, “What if I want to propose to you?!”

In the Summer of 2011, marriage equality became law in New York state. The next day, we had a voice message from a couple of our straight neighbors: “When’s the wedding?!” All the pressure to marry came from straight friends and neighbors.

In the Fall of 2011, I ambushed John with a “surprise engagement.” I secretly gathered family and friends, and proposed to John on our second floor porch. We shared dinner after at a nearby restaurant.

Many years ago, when our partnership had not yet been secured, I vowed to John: “I commit to exploring relationship with you.” I maintain that vow.

Related Content

Bees, a Mockingbird, and Marriage Equality, 2009-05-22
David Joseph Wilcox, 1957-1996, 2008-01-22


Wikipedia: Marriage Equality Act (New York)

Bees, a Mockingbird, and Marriage Equality

2022-05-29: This is now the FOURTH time WNYC has broken the link. Fixed again. (What the *^!% is wrong with them?!)
2022-04-13: Updated – yet again – the link to the recording which WNYC broke for the third time.
2012-05-21: Updated – again – the links which WNYC broke – again.
2011-08-23: Updated to current links from the old ones which WNYC voided.

Domestic Bliss: Blog Widow (left) and me in the gardener’s nook on the occasion of the interview. I had just transplanted the female Ilex verticillata in the background that morning.
Flatbush Gardener (right) and Blog Widow
Two weekends ago, Blog Widow and I were interviewed by WNYC’s Kathleen Horan on the topic of marriage equality – marriage for all – in New York state. The piece aired this morning, and is available on the WNYC News Blog. We make our appearance about 4:55 into the segment.

Marriage Equality, Kathleen Horan, 2009-05-22

I didn’t get to listen to it when it aired at 7:50am this morning. I thought it might be off-topic for the blog. But since most of my part of the aired conversation is about the garden, I figure it it’s not much of a stretch. Please give it a listen, and let me know what you think in the comments below.

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Debating “Marriage Equality” , Kathleen Horan, WNYC